Good Lord...

I was sent on a business trip recently, and that means plenty of time on planes. I usually sit silent and read next to strangers, sometimes get talking, often times get job offers. This time, I wound up sitting next to a preacher that wanted to talk. Really wanted to talk.

We were flying to LA and I mentioned that I used to live there.

"Oh, you have family there?" he asked.

"Well, I did when I live there. My mother."

"Oh? She moved away with you?" he continued.

"No...she passed away."

"Oh, illness?"

"No..."

"An accident?"

At which point, I hesitantly filled in the blank. "Suicide."

I should take the time to point out that I have no problems with people of faith, no problems with preachers at all. Hell, two good college friends wound up heading to seminary and we can still talk with no problems whatsoever.

But this preacher replied along the lines of, "I'm sorry. The path to salvation is a tough one, and some just aren't strong enough."

Did he just tell me that my mother's going to hell? Well, now I've got to fuck with him...

I started innocently enough. "So, tell me about your denomination. Are they liberal...?"

"Oh, yes, we're fairly progressive."

"Oh, so you accept homosexuals and such?"

"Well...ummm...no. As leviticus says..." at which point he quoted fairly convincingly, ending with the bit about an, "abomination."

I'm glad he did. Because then I was able to jump in, "Oh, that's a nice shirt. Looks like it would be a pain to iron. It is 100% cotton, right? 'Cause Leviticus also bans clothing woven of many materials."

At this point, he started going on about what really matters in the Old Testament and Jesus's new contract with mankind and such. I let him go on for a few minutes before jumping back in.

"Oh, but you agree with the Bible on the big stuff, right? Like, what is the order of creation?"

He proceeded to do a pretty good rendition of the seven days story of Genesis 1.

To which I replied, "Oh, so you don't believe in the literal word of the Bible?"

He shot me a confused look, and I asked to borrow the Bible sitting in his lap. Opening it to chapter two - the Adam and Even story - I read out what it described as the order of creation - a different order than the first chapter.

The look on his face was priceless. He didn't say another word the rest of the flight. And I had no guilt about hogging the armrest.